Confession
I feel I am getting happier and happier:) One of the reasons is my husband and another reason is that here is a comfy place to live. I wouldn't say there is no stress in my life, but compared with my 30's, I say with pride that I am happy:)
When I think back, I believe that I suffered from mental problems when I was in my 30's. I haven't seen a psychiatrist nor was I diagnosed with mental illness, but something was wrong with me. I easily got frustrated by everything with no reasons and was not feel up to go out with people for a period of time. I had a lot of stress from hard work and relationships...
In Japan, there's an idea of "Yakudoshi". It's a set of believed unlucky ages. People think that the person would see some very notable alterations to the body, and be at a great risk of death during these years. Unlucky years are different for men (25, 42, 61 year old) and women (19, 33, 37). In particular 42 is said to be the most unlucky for men and 33 for women. Some people participate in traditional Shinto ritual for purification at the shrine, some don't. I didn't, because I think it's just a warning for your health.
My bad luck started when I was 33. The first sign was my hair. Originally, I have wavy hair but it became very strong. I realised that I had unrulier hair than ever! Maybe it happened because of hormone imbalances. Secondly, I suffered from skin inflammation on my face. Medical cream caused it to get worse. My skin got tight like burn scar and peeled on my face repeatedly. For that reason, I didn't want to walk outside and to come under observation.
Also I started to have a feeling of numbness in my hand, especially in my little finger. I didn't have s strong hand grip. Sometimes it was hard to grip a bag or even to hold up a flying pan! One day, I had stiff-necked and went to the doctor. I was diagnosed as 'Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS)'. What are the symptoms of TOS? I'd never heard of it. Symptoms include neck, shoulder, and arm pain, numbness etc... because of an inadequate passageway through an area between the base of the neck and the armpit. Tapping on the keyboard, holding heavy things, and keeping hands above the head (such as hanging on a strap in a train, blowing my hair dry etc.), brought my arm a feeling of strangeness and tiredness. Effective treatment was a variety of exercises that stretch open the tissues of the thoracic outlet. I also took medicines for it. One of medicines had effect to allay some of the anxiety. I felt better after taking medicines.
I had sat in front of a computer all day at work. I had worked hard with poor working conditions and took medicines to relieve my symptoms of TOS. It seemed like a negative cycle. I thought "Do I have a bright future ahead of me???"
For that reasons, to be honest, I was worried at first about living in the UK. I wasn't sure if I really had mental illness and I recovered from it. I wondered if I could get along with life in another country, if I would be able to fit into the community. I was not teen, 20's nor early 30's, my anxiety was bigger than their's. As a result, now I feel happier than ever! I have a self-conscious personality, but I can get comfortable being myself here. Japan is peaceful and wealthy country, and I love Japan of course, but Japanese society has habitually a sense of Grundyism. I am acutely sensitive to it. That's why I can feel comfortable being myself. Now, I've refreshed myself in both body and mind. I rarely have symptoms of TOS now, and I haven't had medicines as well.
When I think back, I believe that I suffered from mental problems when I was in my 30's. I haven't seen a psychiatrist nor was I diagnosed with mental illness, but something was wrong with me. I easily got frustrated by everything with no reasons and was not feel up to go out with people for a period of time. I had a lot of stress from hard work and relationships...
In Japan, there's an idea of "Yakudoshi". It's a set of believed unlucky ages. People think that the person would see some very notable alterations to the body, and be at a great risk of death during these years. Unlucky years are different for men (25, 42, 61 year old) and women (19, 33, 37). In particular 42 is said to be the most unlucky for men and 33 for women. Some people participate in traditional Shinto ritual for purification at the shrine, some don't. I didn't, because I think it's just a warning for your health.
My bad luck started when I was 33. The first sign was my hair. Originally, I have wavy hair but it became very strong. I realised that I had unrulier hair than ever! Maybe it happened because of hormone imbalances. Secondly, I suffered from skin inflammation on my face. Medical cream caused it to get worse. My skin got tight like burn scar and peeled on my face repeatedly. For that reason, I didn't want to walk outside and to come under observation.
Also I started to have a feeling of numbness in my hand, especially in my little finger. I didn't have s strong hand grip. Sometimes it was hard to grip a bag or even to hold up a flying pan! One day, I had stiff-necked and went to the doctor. I was diagnosed as 'Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS)'. What are the symptoms of TOS? I'd never heard of it. Symptoms include neck, shoulder, and arm pain, numbness etc... because of an inadequate passageway through an area between the base of the neck and the armpit. Tapping on the keyboard, holding heavy things, and keeping hands above the head (such as hanging on a strap in a train, blowing my hair dry etc.), brought my arm a feeling of strangeness and tiredness. Effective treatment was a variety of exercises that stretch open the tissues of the thoracic outlet. I also took medicines for it. One of medicines had effect to allay some of the anxiety. I felt better after taking medicines.
I had sat in front of a computer all day at work. I had worked hard with poor working conditions and took medicines to relieve my symptoms of TOS. It seemed like a negative cycle. I thought "Do I have a bright future ahead of me???"
For that reasons, to be honest, I was worried at first about living in the UK. I wasn't sure if I really had mental illness and I recovered from it. I wondered if I could get along with life in another country, if I would be able to fit into the community. I was not teen, 20's nor early 30's, my anxiety was bigger than their's. As a result, now I feel happier than ever! I have a self-conscious personality, but I can get comfortable being myself here. Japan is peaceful and wealthy country, and I love Japan of course, but Japanese society has habitually a sense of Grundyism. I am acutely sensitive to it. That's why I can feel comfortable being myself. Now, I've refreshed myself in both body and mind. I rarely have symptoms of TOS now, and I haven't had medicines as well.
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